Nerves are normal (and useful)
See why your body panics before a talk, why the audience notices far less than you think, and three things that calm it.
WHAT YOUR BODY IS DOING
Your body is getting ready, not failing
Before a talk your body switches on its stress response, often called fight-or-flight: the heart beats faster, breathing gets quick and shallow, the mouth goes dry, the hands shake a little, the stomach flutters. It feels like a warning that something is wrong. It is really your body gearing up for something that matters. The same signals show up before a race, a first date or opening an exam result you're hoping for.
Twenty minutes before her talk, Sara's heart is racing and her mouth is dry. Nothing is broken. Her body is treating the talk as important, which it is.
Illusion of transparency
The feeling that other people can see your inner state, such as your nervousness, much more clearly than they really can. In studies by Thomas Gilovich, Kenneth Savitsky and Victoria Husted Medvec (1998), speakers believed their nerves were obvious; observers noticed far less. And speakers who were told about this effect before speaking gave talks that observers rated better.
You feel a storm inside. From the third row, people mostly see someone standing and talking. They can't see what you feel.
Check yourself
Sara's hands shake a little as she starts her talk, and her voice feels thin to her. What is the room most likely to notice?
- Everything: nerves are obvious to anyone watching
- Much less than she thinks; most of it doesn't show from outside
- Only the shaking hands, never the voice
- Nothing at all, as long as she apologises first
Show the answer
Much less than she thinks; most of it doesn't show from outside
Right. This is the illusion of transparency: nerves feel loud from the inside and look quiet from the outside. Knowing that is itself calming.
Calm down, or get excited?
"I am calm"
Asks your body to go from a racing heart to still in a few minutes. That is hard, and failing at it feels like more proof that something is wrong.
"I am excited"
Keeps the energy and gives it a new name. In studies by Alison Wood Brooks (2014), people who said "I am excited" before speaking performed better and came across as more confident and persuasive than people who told themselves "I am calm". Arousal is hard to switch off and easier to relabel.
Check yourself
In Alison Wood Brooks's studies, telling yourself "I am calm" before a speaking task worked better than telling yourself "I am excited".
Show the answer
False
False. It was the other way round: "I am excited" did better. Nerves and excitement feel alike in the body, so relabelling the feeling is easier than trying to make it disappear.
Slow breathing, backstage or in your seat
- Breathe in through your nose for about 4 counts
Let your belly move out, not your shoulders up. No need to fill up completely.
- Breathe out slowly for about 6 counts
The longer out-breath is the part that matters. Let the air go gently, as if through a straw.
- Repeat for a minute or two
Around ten slow breaths is plenty. Nobody around you will notice you're doing it.
- Then say one line out loud, or in your head
"I'm excited to tell them this." Breathing settles the body; the sentence points the energy somewhere useful.
Check yourself
Ten minutes before his toast, Reza wants to settle his racing heart. Which breathing pattern fits best?
- Quick, deep breaths to get more oxygen in
- Holding his breath for as long as he can
- Slow breaths, with the out-breath longer than the in-breath
- Breathing normally; breathing makes no difference
Show the answer
Slow breaths, with the out-breath longer than the in-breath
Yes. In for about 4, out for about 6, for a minute or two. The longer out-breath is what helps the body settle.
Preparation is the biggest calmer
- Know your first 30 seconds cold. The start is when nerves peak; a well-rehearsed opening carries you through it (more in lesson 12).
- Arrive early. Stand where you'll speak, look at the seats, sit in one for a moment.
- Check the tech. Test the projector, the clicker and the microphone before anyone arrives.
- Have water within reach. A dry mouth is common; a sip is also a natural pause.
Be the host, not the guest
A nervous guest at a dinner party keeps checking themselves: am I saying the right thing, do I look odd? A good host is too busy with other people to wonder. Is everyone's glass full, has the quiet cousin been included? Speaking works the same way. Move your attention from "how am I doing?" to "what do they need from me?" and there is less room left for watching yourself. Where the analogy breaks: a host can leave the room for a minute. You can't, so do the shift before you start, with the breathing.
Check yourself
Before a talk: does it help or make things worse?
- Arriving early and testing the projector
- Opening with "sorry, I'm really nervous"
- Rehearsing the first 30 seconds until they're automatic
- Telling yourself you must feel nothing at all
- Two minutes of slow breathing with a long out-breath
- Skipping practice so you don't have to think about it
Show the answer
Helps: Arriving early and testing the projector, Rehearsing the first 30 seconds until they're automatic, Two minutes of slow breathing with a long out-breath
Makes it worse: Opening with "sorry, I'm really nervous", Telling yourself you must feel nothing at all, Skipping practice so you don't have to think about it
Check yourself
- Sara steps up and says: "Sorry, I'm really nervous, so bear with me. Um, so, I'm going to talk about planning."
- Sara steps up, takes one breath and says: "Last month two of us built the same report, and nobody noticed for a week."
Sara is equally nervous both times. Why does the room see a calmer speaker in the second version?
- The second version is shorter
- The first one tells the room about nerves it hadn't noticed; the second puts attention on the audience's problem
- Apologising is rude in a work meeting
- The second version hides her nerves by talking faster
Show the answer
The first one tells the room about nerves it hadn't noticed; the second puts attention on the audience's problem
Exactly. Thanks to the illusion of transparency the room wouldn't have spotted much. The apology announces it. The second opening turns everyone's attention, hers included, to something they care about.
Lesson recap
- Almost everyone gets nervous before a talk. The goal is nerves that don't run the show, not zero nerves.
- A racing heart, dry mouth and shaky hands are your body getting ready, the same arousal as excitement.
- Illusion of transparency and spotlight effect: the room notices far less than you feel. They can't see what you feel.
- Relabel the feeling: "I am excited" did better than "I am calm" in Alison Wood Brooks's studies.
- Breathe slowly with a longer out-breath (in about 4, out about 6), prepare the first 30 seconds, and point your attention at the audience.