The Stoics: what is up to you
Sort a worry into what is up to you and what isn't, notice the judgment that is actually upsetting you, and use two Stoic habits on an ordinary bad day.
THE SCHOOL
Who the Stoics were
Stoicism began in Athens around 300 BCE with Zeno of Citium, who taught in a painted porch, the stoa, which gave the school its name. The Stoics we read most today are Romans: Seneca, a statesman who wrote letters of advice; Epictetus, a former slave turned teacher; and Marcus Aurelius, an emperor whose private notes we call the Meditations.
A slave and an emperor reaching for the same ideas is part of the appeal: the Stoics claimed their advice worked whatever your circumstances.
The dichotomy of control
Epictetus begins his handbook, the Enchiridion, by dividing things in two. Up to us: our judgments, choices, desires and aversions, what we do with our own mind. Not up to us: our body, property, reputation and position, and everything else outside. The Stoic puts effort and hope into the first and calmly accepts the second.
You can't control whether you get the job. You can control how well you prepare and how you treat people in the interview.
Check yourself
Saba has a job interview on Sunday. Sort her worries the way Epictetus would.
- How many hours she practises answering questions
- Whether another candidate has more experience
- Whether the interviewer is in a good mood
- Being honest about a gap in her CV
- What she tells herself if she isn't chosen
- Whether the company freezes hiring next month
Show the answer
Up to her: How many hours she practises answering questions, Being honest about a gap in her CV, What she tells herself if she isn't chosen
Not up to her: Whether another candidate has more experience, Whether the interviewer is in a good mood, Whether the company freezes hiring next month
THE KEY MOVE
It's the judgment that upsets you
Epictetus taught that people are disturbed not by things themselves but by their judgments about things. An event happens; then you add a story: 'this is a disaster', 'this is an insult', 'this means I'm a failure'. The story is the part that's up to you.
Pioneers of cognitive behavioural therapy, a well-studied modern treatment for anxiety and depression, pointed to Epictetus as an inspiration for exactly this idea; Albert Ellis did so most explicitly.
Event: Omid sends his manager a proposal at 10am.
By 6pm, no reply.
Judgment: "She hates it. She thinks I'm useless.
I'll never get promoted here."
Feeling: Knot in the stomach, can't eat dinner.
Stoic check:
What actually happened? No reply yet.
What did I add? Hates it, useless, never promoted.
What is up to me? The quality of the proposal (done),
one polite follow-up tomorrow,
what I do with my evening.Revised judgment:
"I don't know what she thinks yet. I did my part well.
I'll follow up tomorrow."
The facts didn't change. The evening did.The archer
The Stoics compared a good life to an archer's shot. The archer controls the practice, the aim and the release. Once the arrow leaves the bow, a gust of wind is not up to her. Her goal is to shoot well; hitting the target is welcome but not in her hands. Where it breaks: real life has many things you partly influence, like your health or a friendship. Stoics would say: make your goal the part you control, and hold the outcome lightly.
Check yourself
Negar is preparing for the university entrance exam and panics every time she thinks about her rank. Which goal would a Stoic suggest?
- 'My goal is to be in the top 1,000, and anything less is failure.'
- 'My goal: six focused hours a day and a calm exam. The rank will be what it will be.'
- 'Ranks are random, so there's no point studying hard.'
- 'I'll stop caring about the exam completely, so that whatever happens I can't be disappointed.'
Show the answer
'My goal: six focused hours a day and a calm exam. The rank will be what it will be.'
Yes. She still wants a good rank, but her goal is the part she controls: the studying and how she handles the day. That's the archer aiming well.
A STOIC HABIT
Rehearsing trouble in advance
Seneca advised thinking ahead about what might go wrong: loss, illness, a plan falling through. Not to feed anxiety, but so that setbacks don't arrive as a shock, and so you appreciate what you have while you have it. Later writers called this premeditatio malorum, the premeditation of evils.
Before a trip, Kaveh spends two minutes imagining a cancelled flight. He saves the airline's number and packs a charger in his hand luggage. If it happens, he's annoyed, not thrown.
Check yourself
Hamid's father has died. A good Stoic, Hamid should aim to feel nothing at all.
Show the answer
False
False. This is the most common misreading of Stoicism. The Stoics wanted to be free of emotions built on false judgments, like rage over a small insult. Seneca wrote letters of consolation to grieving people and treated grief as natural; he warned against letting it take over, not against feeling it. Being 'stoic' in the modern sense of hiding all feeling isn't the ancient idea.
Seneca's evening review
- At the end of the day, look back
Seneca describes going over his day each night once the lamp was out. Two or three minutes is enough.
- Ask what went well
Where did I act the way I want to act?
- Ask what went badly, without drama
Where did I get upset about something not up to me? What judgment did I add?
- Decide one thing for tomorrow
Seneca's tone is kind but honest. He tells himself: 'See that you don't do that again; this time I forgive you.'
Check yourself
Match each Stoic to what we know them for
Show the answer
- Zeno of Citium → Founded the school in Athens
- Epictetus → Former slave who taught the dichotomy of control
- Seneca → Statesman who wrote letters of advice
- Marcus Aurelius → Emperor whose private notes became the Meditations
Lesson recap
- Epictetus split things into what is up to us (judgments, choices) and what isn't (everything outside).
- Much of our distress comes from the judgment we add to an event, and that judgment is ours to change.
- Make your goal the part you control, like the archer aiming well, and hold the outcome lightly.
- Stoics didn't aim to feel nothing; they aimed to avoid emotions built on false judgments.
- The main objection: 'not up to me' can slide into accepting what should be changed.